PT Cruisers

Two nights ago I walked out of my house angry. About to get into my car and drive-to where I don't know. Why, because I felt like yelling at the top of my lungs. God had a different idea for the night in mind.

As I slammed the front door closed a car drove up and it was Andi. I really wanted to ignore her, to ignore the white PT Cruiser that was a message from God, but I felt a knowledge that I shouldn't get into my car. She rolled down her window and held my hand as I lost control of my tears. They sprang forth with an epic determination to fall freely. We stood there, for a while. The night air, cold-the outstretched hand, warmth. I wanted to walk away but was so afraid to let go, so I didn't. I got into her car and we drove. False, she drove, I cried.

I get this image from my soul. I am in the midst of a blizzard in a forest. I wander into a clearing and see a cabin. I walk up to it and find a window. I have to stand on my tippy-toes, but I look inside and see a fire with a rocking chair and blanket. I can touch the window and feel the warmth but I cannot find the door. Please, have no fear, I have done lap after lap after lap. At this point in my life I feel like I have walked away from the cabin and completely lost sight of it. I am in a thick dark forest with snow and wind freezing me down to my bones. The cold numbness has seeped into my soul. I know what warmth is so I remember, but I do not KNOW it. Difference.

I laid this and my soul bare before Andi because I knew I was safe. We talked and talked and talked. After a while we ended up back in front of our house, and the thought that came to mind was The Lion King. I do love that movie, but the particular scene that stuck out into my mind was when Simba has grown and is yelling into the empty night sky that he feels alone, so alone.

You said...(watch this)

 I shouted this at Andi. False, I shouted this at God.
"You said you'd always be there for me, but you're not. It's because of me, it's all my fault. It's all my fault."
Broken, dejected, and weeping before God. That is where it ended in my mind.

We sat there for a while, and God moved through Andi because that is not where it ends in the movie and she shouted back.

"WHAT HAPPENS NEXT?" (I know this movie, as a child it was my Moulin Rouge, but the next part was silent in my own narrative)
"Well, he see's his father."
"Right, but what happens? How does he see him?"
"He see's him in his reflection in the water."

That moved me this morning to search this clip out. To dig a bit deeper. So if you haven't watched the first clip, watch it. Watch how it skips over the ending...watch how Mufasa doesn't speak back. That was the story I was allowing to speak in my life.

BUT THAT'S NOT HOW IT ENDS...

It's not over(watch this)

Do you see it? I see it, and I am making my way back to the cabin. I am going to find that damn door. Now that I think about it, it probably has to be opened from the inside, but I don't want to leave again. I want to see my Father.

I am thankful for PT Cruisers.

+Hebrews 13.5